There’s always a lot of coverage about Facebook and MySpace these days. More often though I’m finding Facebook is the winner of the “Good Press Award”. Unfortunately MySpace is becoming the millenniums version of evil as often defined by the insurgence or Rock N’ Roll in the 50’s, LSD in the 70’s and Dungeons & Dragons in the 80’s. Funny how all of societies woes can be traced back to a single source; I’m surprised Bush hasn’t ordered the Supreme Court to shut down MySpace with all the trouble its caused the Moral Majority.

Its true, unless you’re vigilant MySpace can become a beast. You can get friends you don’t even know wasting your time with funny, glittery comments and chain mail. You can spend hours Pimping Your Profile only to get distracted by another Pimp template thus beginning an endless cycle of pimping until your page becomes an ADD version of the Vegas Strip minus the hookers. Actually I think I’m wrong; from the majority of photos I see on MySpace I would deduce that MySpace is full of hookers. So MySpace is exactly like the Vegas strip. Sorry for bugging you with my internal dialogue.

I like Facebook; it feels less like Vegas. It feels sort of like San Francisco; I love San Francisco. I always wanted to spend more time there. The weather is temperate the people are nice, diverse yet not cruising the strip looking for a place to land a glittery flower on your wall. I haven’t received one penis photo since I signed up on Facebook and I haven’t had random messages from Bands, Movies or artists. My Facebook combines all sort of things into one and as an efficiency nut; this is a very good thing.

I can Twitter by updating my status whenever I want. My blog post automatically feed into my site. My Flickr stream uploads and refreshes with no worries what-so-ever and I can flirt with any one of my friends. Although I try to keep the flirty down to dating websites; god knows, I wouldn’t want to lose any of my 11 friends with random flirting. The difference if you don’t notice on MySpace and Facebook; I have 11 friends on Facebook and a few more than that on MySpace.

I prefer Facebook to MySpace; it seems grown up and I don’t feel like random guys are cruising through the ladies photos searching for a email to drop off a penis pic. God forbid; I got plenty of those when I created a dating profile. So many that I had to shut down my computer and move it into protective custody for a while. I don’t know about you but that is not the way to get a girl to go out with you. Penis pics have the same amount of sexual power as a girl asking her boyfriend if her butt looks big in these pants.

You can find my links to my Facebook profile to the left.

Unfortunately I'm an idiot when it comes to technology. Unfortunately on some sites this could get you stalked. When I was writing my personal ad the other night I didn't notice the button that you click to hide your ad from public viewing. My ad has been visible, searchable, flirtable and emailable for four days. There are winks showing up in my inbox and notifications for emails that I can't respond to; I guess you can get email if your not paid up but you can't view until you show them the money. The sad part is, I'm not that rude and generally I would send a "no thanks" to all who ventured an email, send a wink or proposition me with disgusting description of what they would like to do to me. Disgusting propositions usually receive an equally mature response that goes like this, "not on a train, not on a plane, NOT FOR A MILLION DOLLARS." I apologize, maybe I would for a million dollars.

Until I actually decide to date again (which is looking like never right now); Each of my suitors will think I'm rude.

Shit, Shit, Shit! 

Over the past year or so I've received emails from all of your friends. "Please rate your story from Jerimiah. Paco has just added you as a friend". Finally today I received an email for you to verify a story written by your friend Mariah. Honestly, the last year has been tough for me so its been fun to actually vicariously live through you.

You've got an active social life, you have over 400 friends on your social networking service which is not MySpace and all of your friends write the same exact way, in SMS jargon. Even in text messages I write complete sentences, this was one of the clues that led me to believe that I actually didn't set this up myself. I lose track sometimes where I'm at on the internet. When you've reached the end of the internet as many times as I have, getting lost and forgetting where you've left an imprint is an easy thing to do. With over 400 friends on a site that is not MySpace I would assume this happens to you too! So I know you understand.

I thought initially that I would send you an email and make you aware of the fact that you spelled your email wrong and I'm getting your invitations, your flirty chats and your SMS coded messages. I realized that I would have to send that email to myself. Ahh the horror of having to bear the burden of someone elses' social life.

I only have 20 or so friends on my own MySpace page and rarely is there any activity; it screams I'm too old to be here - often people don't bother. The thing is that we all know mailbox space is at a premium. We all know that freedom isn't free; did you know that bandwidth and server space isn't free either? You're probably stressed from all the social engagements and using your Hello Kitty SMS decoder to read messages has to be exhausting.

Finally the bitterness has set in. As my own social life draws to a sad lull I made a drastic decision. I changed your password and deleted your account. Maybe you could use this time to get real friends and learn to write in complete sentences; including learning how to spell your own email address.

I'm not sorry; you'll thank me someday.

Let me write an admission. I've participated in online dating over the past 6 years. I gave it up after my last BF left the continent. In fact the last guy I dated, the Bartender was just an accident. I really did officially give up dating a couple years ago. I do not plan on returning. A lot of people use online dating sites, there is no shame, we all know about it -- now get over it.

Two months ago I decided to do a little research for you. I applied to HotENOUGH.org.

If you don't know about HotENOUGH.org by now then you probably have better things to do than I.
But just in case you want to look it up; here you go!
Some random news site
MSNBC.com
And the offender itself:
Hotenough.org

You have to maintain above a certain average to be accepted to the site for dating purposes. Who votes? Other members vote. They rate you -- you think that's cool don't you?

For the most part I'm pretty honest about how I look. The photos here are not photoshopped except for when I'm blocking out a giant acne that suddenly was only noticeable in bright flashing camera environments. I also ban the camera for one week in the middle of the month when I feel like I have giant love handles attached to the waist of my pants; I don't actually have love handles. There are times when drink too much and think I'm hot, camera's get whipped out during the one week camera ban around the house. Hence some photoshopping must occur. How did I rate?

This took a very long time - Between submission and response I did a lot of things that could have affected how I look; I lost a cat, I gained a cat, I quit taking my meds, I quit dating, started dating and quit again. My daughter was diagnosed with a permanent disability, my son was arrested, I went from a winter red nail polish to a spring pink. I went on a shoe diet, signed on to work on a movie for a friend, bought satin sheets, purchased an inversion table, fixed a flat tire on the Stunt Kia, put a deposit on a SMART Car and, sin of all sins; I've aged since I submitted my photos for consideration. Trust me, this took A VERY LONG TIME.

I'm not one to spend a ton of time waxing my own virtues but if my best friends actually read my blog they would take this post and count it as a counter to all the self-effacing/deprecation that I submit myself too. For truth in journalism and advertising in this case -- here are he three photos I submitted; I only rated a 5.8. HIDEOUS

As you can see for yourself, its obvious I was rejected because I AM Hideous.

I'm not bragging I'm trying to make a point. I get propositions from young men on MySpace all the time. I have
comments left here with equal enthusiasm and content.

Most of those have to do with being "hot" or "show me your tits". Those comments are then followed up with words like, "do you", "do me" and, "grandma porn" and other words that I care not to write or repeat. Because, I'm A LADEEEEE!

PROOF --
From my Lastfm.com page:
Monday, April 30
Great choice of music! And beautiful too ;-)

Actually that's the only one I can find. However, I still believe there is a flaw with the judging. If this website is purely based on looks alone I think I would be a shoe in. But I believe humans intrinsically are flawed and they even found a way to fuck this up. I assert that value has been added or removed from my photo based on a few things. Men actually LOOKED at them and made character judgements.

Example one: Cigarette and a drink in hand. Judgement; Easy lay after a few drinks but might smell like tobacco while doing it. Score automatically dropped to a 6.

Example two: Red hair. Judgement; probably good in bed but quick to anger based on stereotypical research of red-headed women. Might have a great time in bed if I lived through it. Point dropped to a 5 due to possible bad temper however automatically jumped to a 6 because one might die while having sex with me if I became angry.

Not only have I proven the system in itself flawed and full of shit. I've also proved that men might think before they act. The problem; these men are still looking for the blonde they keep in a condo and a wife they keep in a three-bedroom ranch. Fortunately I'm neither so I won't have to subject myself to further scrutiny on HOTENOUGH.org.

Would I be bitching if they would have accepted my hideousness? Hell no, I would buy champagne and toast to their good taste.

What do you rate? Go on do it!!