Question of the day:

Grocery prices are on the rise, gas prices are through the roof. Why is my paycheck still the same? Who’s getting all this extra money I’m paying?

Cheap compensation follows immediately:

When I said I was not an attractive child I meant it. Do you believe me now? I was also very, very angry; as noted by the scowl. More on that later.

My mother never wanted us to have a dog. She swore that she was bitten as a child and was terrified. I didn’t believe her. Doesn’t every Mom say that? Don’t they all say they walked to school every day in two feet of snow uphill both ways? She felt the same way about bicycles, skateboards, roller-skates and well; anything fun. Funny, she never warned me about drugs, alcohol and cowboys? My life may have turned out different if she would have talked to me about SEX. Oh god, I just wrote about SEX here. I never believed my mother about the dog story until after she died and I found these photos. Wow, that was one bad dog.

Mom, all I have to say is……

Neener, neener, neener — I got a daawwg!!!

Happy Mother’s Day wherever you are.

One day I took my camera with me and my sister out to the refuge where we walked out dogs on a daily basis. I sat her down in the full afternoon sun handed her some flowers and told her to look down. This beautiful image was the product.

After I took the photo I handed my sister the camera and said, “now do me”. Just at that moment my sister held the camera up and my dog Sally ran by after swimming in the pond and chasing ducks. Sally’s wagging tail smacked me right in the face.

Its not just the my anvil shaped hair, or my unfortunate bone structure or my bad skin. Its the fact that unless I’m given plenty of warning this is how my photographs usually turn out.

That photograph of my sister - I stuck with it because of that one print.

Photo by Chantel Williams 2008

Hello world: I’m 35 and I’m having my first cholesterol test. Why am I more worried about my fat intake than a lump found in my boob a couple years back? OK I take it back, I was terrified. I like my boobs, they are awesome. Lumps might ruin the awesomeness of my boobs. But cholesterol?

I was scanning the list of possible side effects of the medication. We have; nausea, sleeplessness, dizziness, vivid dreams, dry mouth, headaches and, possible weight gain. All of which I though I can take if it helps my anxiety and makes the world a better place to live. I scanned a bit further down list of things that thank god did not include anal excretions yet this caught my eye; “sexual dysfunction”. I Googled “Lexapro side effects” and everyone reported varying degrees of side effects but, practically all of them reported a loss in libido or ability to ummm, “finish”. Funny how this is the reason I will not take this medication.

That doctor of mine is going to have to go back to the drawing board if she thinks I’m giving up orgasms.

Photo by Dr.B - 2008, One Dork, One Kid and a Pink Coat

Last night was the perfect storm of downtown Portland activity. There was the First Thursday art walk in the Swanky Pearl District and the 6th Avenue Street Fair in the reformed Old Town where hipsters a’plenty wandering the street and the annual May Day Protest for Socialists.

The scene can be set like this. On one side of the block we have skaters, punks, drug dealers, radio stations and a make shift skate park with ramps made out of giant timber, book ended on each corner by balloon animals and performance artists. On the other side of the street we have hipsters hanging outside a row of cheap art/living studio spaces clamoring for what might be free Pabst Blue Ribbon and Charles Shaw wine all the while oogling over “art”. Hipsters love art, they just can’t afford it.

Around the block, you have an overdressed, old mom trying to look cool while her daughter laughs in her face and her boyfriend snaps the photos for the soon to be released, “Documentary of an old woman in a pink coat on a spring day.”

Photo by Chantel Williams, I-5 Bridge over the Columbia River 2008

This photograph does not represent the weather. This photograph represents what I wish it would be like here. I need it to be warm, with a soft glow and long shadows from my tall margarita glass. I don’t know how many more anti-depressants I can shove into my mouth. But right now it looks like I’m turning up a bag of colored M&M’s straight down my throat every morning. I’m so sexy; I know. I haven’t time for anything coherent this morning so you’re getting a list of random things.

- “Pick your own zombie adventure” is my google status message.

- I passed the strip club down the street this morning, the sign read. “May 16, Bridget the Midget.” I’m thinking of going.

- How does a girl rack up a 60 dollar happy hour bill? Alcoholic much?

- My dog has diarrhea. On the list of reasons to not work from home, this one is the biggest. How would you relate to a co-worker crapping in the cube next to you every five minutes?

- I’m chronically wondering whether or not I wore underwear each day on the way to work.

Do it!~ Get over there!