In between margaritas and sunbursts I’ve been fondling a new bottle of pills. The doctor says my anxiety is killing me. I say it’s sort of like child-rearing by fear or, a tool for motivation. But its true, I can’t end up driving myself to the ER ever again because I think I’m having a heart attack. If I would not have smoked and drank my way through my young adult-hood I would have nothing to worry about. However, those late night burger runs after a half-case of beer and cheap vodka can really pile up in a girls arteries. Did I say that she recommended a cholesterol check too?

Hello world: I’m 35 and I’m having my first cholesterol test. Why am I more worried about my fat intake than a lump found in my boob a couple years back? OK I take it back, I was terrified. I like my boobs, they are awesome. Lumps might ruin the awesomeness of my boobs. But cholesterol?

I was scanning the list of possible side effects of the medication. We have; nausea, sleeplessness, dizziness, vivid dreams, dry mouth, headaches and, possible weight gain. All of which I though I can take if it helps my anxiety and makes the world a better place to live. I scanned a bit further down list of things that thank god did not include anal excretions yet this caught my eye; “sexual dysfunction”. I Googled “Lexapro side effects” and everyone reported varying degrees of side effects but, practically all of them reported a loss in libido or ability to ummm, “finish”. Funny how this is the reason I will not take this medication.

That doctor of mine is going to have to go back to the drawing board if she thinks I’m giving up orgasms.