You’re out on the road in your stealth bus trying to spread a message, like Jesus or the Rolling Stones we can’t quite tell yet. And you’re not telling either. You’ve been on the road a mere few weeks and you’ve accomplished shoving your foot down your mouth so proficiently. I’m going to clear a few things up for you; since it is clear you don’t feel the need to surround yourself with people smarter that you are, read (ADVISORS).
Today’s gem about Paul Revere and the Freedom Ride was a classic example of leaving out details so that you change the story. In our entire Constitution the right to take up ARMS are only mentioned once. We did not start a playground fight with the Monarchy so we could kill Bambi with semi-automatic rifles. There were a lot of things involved in that little skirmish that left us alone on this vast continent in a little place we like to call the United Stated of America. ‘Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader’ comes to mind right now. The Fifth grade is the time I made a beautiful hand-made 3D diorama of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. This is when I learned about America’s fight for freedom. This is when I learned that Paul Revere was not concerned about the British taking our guns; he was informing everyone to grab their guns because the British were actually coming to kill America’s future founding fathers and then force taxes and indentured servitude upon us. There were also those little details about escaping persecution and, religious freedom and, taxes but, I’m assuming you knew about that and chose to not disclose it in your interpretation because it might detract from your argument. I’m not sure what your argument is right now but I’m sure I’ll find out soon.
You’re always yelling about the LIBERAL media. Why is this? You claim that the LIBERAL media twists the facts to create stories. Do you realize that the left and the right do this equally and offensively? You work for a news organization right now, you know this more than anyone. Media on both sides no longer report facts and, they do it LIBERALLY. All media is liberal media, these days and now you are part of it. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em? I’m sure that’s what you were thinking when you joined the staff. I love how you’ve been hired by a media organization while you were still undecided about running for president, so that this media organization can pay for you to run around the country, in a bus, with your family, with a giant American Flag on the side of it, with no intended purpose. Talk about twisting policy to suite your agenda.
The entire time you have been in the political mainstream you’ve pointed fingers, made accusations and, placed blame. Sweatheart, you are your own worst enemy. As a would-be leader of the free world do you think it’s time your hate tirade should turn to joining the multiplying sides of our country together? All of the leaders of this country understand that we will have multiple viewpoints and we need to somehow dissect all of those viewpoints into policy making decisions that make attempts to suit all of us, across the board. We look to our leaders to find ways to join us together, we look to our leaders to try and understand us and our viewpoint from our very different backgrounds, belief systems and lifestyle choices.
You’re a maverick and you’re not part of the boys club in the Whitehouse, you’re different? So you settle on plain talk, outdated, old-fashioned and, mis-guided attempts to talk to Joe Public. I don’t know if you realize that Joe Public is not very smart. You only have to look to our top rated television progams and, our obsession with all Apple products to understand American’s. Apple can release a new iPad and we will stand in a line, in the cold, around the block, to buy one. We will subjugate ourselves for Apple products. I won’t even subjugate myself to my boyfriend and I used to love him. Maybe you should ask Steve Jobs how he united a Nation, he could give you some tips on what it took to get one nation, indivisible under Apple. I know it’s taking me a long time to get to the point – recognize? We want our leaders to be SMARTER than us. We expect you to know things that we don’t. We want you to talk to us like Leaders do, not like a Mother or, a Moose hunter or like Jessica Simpson. Be eloquent, be well-read, be able to take an abstract thought and distill it into an anecdote that all of us understand and all of us can get behind. We need you to act like someone who has done that, seen things and, is still able to keep control of your own email account at the same time. I know it’s a lot to ask but you DO want to be president someday don’t you?
Do you know how bad I want a woman president? Do you know how bad WOMEN want a female in the White House? You’re making us look bad, you’ve set the women’s movement backward. We aren’t all Mama Grizzlies, we want freedom for our ovaries, we know that abstinence doesn’t work and, we need you to understand that, we want policies that provide us with freedom, safety and equality. You need to act and speak like the smart, capable woman I know you are. We are done having dummy’s in the White House you should know that by now.
Park your bus lady, stop taking a paycheck from a LIBERAL media organization and state your purpose or, you can simply go back home and tell your grand-children about the famous Freedom Ride with Paul Revere as your husband shines his double barrel shot-gun next to the crackling fire.
Welcome to America cupcake
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Bombshells Comedy, June 3 at Il Pirata
Drew Pult, Benefit Show at Wharf Room Comedy
Watch the trailer for the upcoming documentary from Terrabang Studio’s which follows Drew as he climbs the stand-up comedy ladder without being able to stand.
You can donate to the “Wherever there’s a Ramp” Fund directly by going directly to their fund raising site on Kickstarter.
Or, You can come to Wharf Room Comedy on June 4th to see Drew and friends perform live. Proceeds from this performance will go to the Kickstarter fund to support the effort to produce this fascinating story. Tickets available here: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/178830
Drew Pult, Benefit Show at Wharf Room Comedy
Purple Onion at 8 with Max Curry Tony Sparks Chantel Williams Griffin Daley Brian King Sam Davidoff Gary Cornbred Anderson Charles Orenthal James Patterson Kelly Anneken Drew Harmon. $10 at door. Booze, grub over 18
And Next Friday June 3, I’ll be at Il Pirata for Bombshell’s. All lady comics, all smoking hot! I suggest you come down and flirt with me. I’ll tell you some dirty jokes.
Bombshells Comedy, June 3 at Il Pirata
Unfortunately I’m embarrassed for our country more days than not. Over the past few years our culture has disintegrated into a hyped up, misinformed country of “report it now, pay for it later” consumers. As a group we’re no longer interested in our realities, we’re interested in our escape and others downfall. Welcome to America; we’re here to build you up and then bring you back down to our level. If it takes going through your garbage, following you at all hours of the day and, shaming you publicly until you break or until you put on 10 pounds so the public can feel better about themselves. We just want to break you and then make you feel horrible about every little thing you’ve ever done wrong. Think about the vitriol that our news outlets spew 24 hours a day. We consume, we asked for it and now this is what you get. You got Donald Trump running for president.
I’m embarrassed because we refuse to take responsibility on a personal level for our own lives. But yet, Perez Hilton is on his way to getting very very rich by shaming celebrities. Shame for infidelity, shame for not paying taxes, shame for gaining weight, shame for drinking too much. Shame, Shame, Shame. Glen Beck recently took a PSA for cancer by Meghan McCain and turned it into an opportunity to gain more fame by calling her fat and commenting on her appearance. I’m sure he unapologetically went to bed that night and slept well. I read the comments on the news sites to see how readers felt. Guess what, they didn’t just side with Beck – they supported it. Of course he has free speech and of course you do too. But just what made you think you were adding anything to a conversation about decency by adding, “she’s in the public eye, she needs to grow thicker skin”? Honestly, Glen Beck should be shamed out of journalism by OTHER journalists. You want to the respect of your colleagues? Start weeding out the hacks in your field. Stop watching, turn off the show, don’t buy the product, don’t call for a public apology. Money talks, bullshit walks. Stop buying the product and it will stop bothering you. I don’t want an apology from anyone except my parents. They’re the ones that fucked me over. What do I want from Beck, Trump, Gingrich, Bush, Sheen, Snooki, Lohan and, all the other bullshit television personalities distracting us from our lives? I want them to go the fuck away.
I’m embarrassed to be an American because in the days when we have to deal with a crippling economy, human rights for gays, rights for my own ovaries, judgment day, stem cell research and, religious freedom among a few of the very critical issues facing our society; we’re spending a lot of money on polls to decide if Donald Trump would or could be our next American President. That is a no brainer America. Pull your head out of your ass, the end is near.
]]>Don’t forget if you haven’t seen me perform you owe me one.
Wednesday, May 25 8:00 PM – The Historic Purple Onioin
Any other got’damn day of the week you know where to find me. I’m working the Wharf, one tourist at a time.
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Wharf Room Comedy presents Smile & Die Comedy tour. Come check us out tonight at 8pm. Tickets are $15 at the door.
Smile & Die Comedy Tour
Today in studio we have: Rick Shapiro and Mack Lindsay, Jason LaCour and Brian Whitaker. In conjuction with Rick’s and Mack’s newest Radio Show “The Smile and Die Show” on New Dissident Radio, Rick, Mack, Jason LaCour and Brian Whitaker take their comedy to the clubs.
Promoting their appearance at Wharf Room Comedy on Tuesday, April 19.
http://www.fccfreeradio.com/?p=3041
Listen live from Studio 1a
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Christine Nangle
Monday, April 11 You’re an Effing Moron
Our guest calling from New York. Christine Frances Nangle is a writer, improviser, and stand-up comedian living in New York City. Currently, she is a staff writer for Saturday Night Live. She is a proud alum of the UCB Maude Teams High Treason and 27 Kidneys as well as the Harold TeamsThe Bishopand Whorenado. She also writes for the internet sketch group Bobby Chicago.
We also have comedy buddies Dan Allenderwest and Eli Peterson. I’m going to find out if this is a “bromance” gone too far.
Listen live in Studio 1a.
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Will Durst on FCC Free Radio
Live from studio 1a at 4pm. I’ve got the usual and the special. The usual: Dr. Brian’s weekly call-in from whatever shitty town he happens to be in Texas. http://www.fccfreeradio.com/?p=2785
The Special: Will Durst, reigning as C-SPAN’s favorite comic (8 appearances,) Durst is a 5-time Emmy nominee and recipient of 7 consecutive nominations for the American Comedy Awards Stand Up of the Year. He is the first comic invited to perform at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government and the first American to be nominated for the prestigious Perrier Award at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival for the show “Myth America.” He has racked up more than 400 television appearances in 14 different countries while slinging jokes around the globe in his one man crusade to make people laugh out loud on purpose against their will. Hobbies include the never-ending quest for the perfect cheeseburger, while his heroes remain the same as when he was twelve—Thomas Jefferson and Bugs Bunny.
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