Chantel Williams

I had no idea there was a “Go Go” version of this song when I looked for this video on You Tube this morning. Its also the song that was playing in my head when I woke up. It’s my birthday you see and I guess everyone has a birthday song. This is mine.

However there are a few things that make my world spin on its axis every day. I’m going to to tell them Thank you because its the only reason I get out of bed every day. Thank you is all that I can say. Because, words will never express the gratitude I feel for the love that I feel day after day.

Dr. B is the most shameless, uninhibited person I know. His life is dedicated to having fun and making sure I have fun. Just this morning when my daughter gave me a beautiful pearl necklace for my birthday Dr. Brian leaned over and said, “i’m gonna give you one of those for your birthday too!”. I know it was too early and I know it was inappropriate but, it made me laugh. He makes me laugh and sometimes laughter happens when its very, very inappropriate. Thank you for loving me.

Mr. Bug & Ms. Puddin. Having children grow into adults is probably one of the toughest moments for a Mother. I’m no longer allowed to rescue them and tell them what to do. I’m only allowed to offer advice and hope that it helps. These two children willingly and graciously allowed me to be their mom. They’ve are beautiful humans that have offered me unconditional love and support from the day that they could perceive such emotions. I wake every day and make wishes for them. Thank you for loving me unconditionally even though I know, it’s never been easy.

Anakule. You stepped in when I needed a mother. Even though I’ve stood by the assumption that I need no one. I’m aloof, I’m closed off and I’m tough to get to. But you stood there until I left an opening. You still do and I’m grateful. You have made me a better human. Thank you for loving me unconditionally.

Luna. I know you’re Man’s best friend and, I have to compete with Brian. Your little face and your giant ears and your non-stop begging and your smile. You have a smile, I see it all the time. You feel love, I feel it when you convince me to go to bed every night and snuggle until you wake me with your whining to go pee. It’s amazing how loved an animal can make you feel. Thank you for loving me because you make every morning better with your bright eyes, your wet nose and non-stop kisses.

Another day older and deeper in debt. No complaints here.

Things are different for me over the last few years. Like this blog, its taken a different direction as my life has changed. That’s no  surprise because its always going to evolve; as change is inevitable. Its taken a few years to adjust to things. Moving to San Francisco, not having my children with me all the time and, taking on a entirely new career in the midst of a mystery illness that has plagued me over the last year has been a bit of a challenge.

I started getting sick while I lived in Portland. I was increasingly tired, depressed and irritable. At first I just took extra anti-depressants, then I took some more. Then a doctor or two patted me on the head and told me to get some rest. I was initially very upset by this advice because, I knew that something else was wrong. So I quit my stressful corporate job and moved to San Francisco. I moved to San Francisco because I needed some sun and new scenery. “You’re a high-heeled girl in a Birkenstock world” rang in my ears as I packed for my move to San Francisco. I moved, I found an equally if not more stressful job in the restaurant world and, out of nowhere stand-up comedy hit me in the face. In the mean-time my hours at work turned into work weeks that went for 7 days stretches. My work in comedy extended those days to 15 hours. My health went down to tubes dramatically. I got so tired I felt like crying all the time, my face swelled up when I ate or drank anything. My weight slowly began creeping up even though I was barely eating; a problem I had never had before. My back pain spread to neck, knees, legs, arms and so on. If it was on my body it hurt, everyday of every minute.  I walked through every day and felt like I was getting the flu. The doctor again, after seeing welts and hives cover my swollen face patted me on the head once again and told me to get some rest. So I quit my job. I quit my job to pursue comedy full-time with Brian’s encouragement and support. Yes, he pays my rent, lets me sleep until I get out of bed and slowly over the last six months – I’m feeling a little better. I’ve never not had a job or children or someone else to worry about entirely. This too is very different. While now I have no medical care I can tell you that I’m doing better with my own self-care than I am with a doctor.

Not having children full-time is something to get used to. Its now 24/7 all about me. This is the most difficult of transitions. Its never ever, ever been all about me in my life. Even when the kids were at their father’s on weekends I was worried about them or their school work, or their happiness or, something I would trump up to worry about. I can’t write about them now because they are adults. Their lives belong to them and not this blog – so now what do we do? I got a dog and a boyfriend who is high-maintenance and lets me sometimes take the focus off of my own ailments and goals. Kids are entertaining when their kids but when they became adults I knew that this here blog would no longer have daily updates on their adventures.  I must respect their privacy as they go into the world and make their own mistakes and live their own lives.

My extra time is spent thinking up my next good dick joke. You know that kind of dick joke that keeps audience entranced with your performance? I really don’t have any real dick jokes but, when all else fails on stage; go with a dick joke. I spend my time writing, writing, producing, thinking, premise-mining my own life. I take a lot of fiber, I eat a lot of vegetables, I drink tea, I meditate. I barely drink because I’m suddenly severely allergic to wine and most forms of alcohol.

If you’re here for my daily drink & pill count.

1 glass of bourbon, one ice cube and, a little medical marijuana. ( I still do not have a tolerance for narcotics)

With that last six months I can finally feel the writing come back; I’m performing six nights a week or so. I’m travelling and planning my career. I’ll be 38 this year and becoming an entertainer at this age is damn near impossible. But I’ve done more impossible things and, I still lived to tell you about it.

Mystery illness aside, I’m kicking and thriving. I’m having the best time of my life. I’m happy to have found a huge community of performers and artists to hang out with. I’m happy with San Francisco. I’m terribly unhappy about not eating and drinking the way I used to but, that’s how life goes sometimes. A long time ago a few friends were teasing me about all the beautiful men I date and warned me with great amounts of joy; “You’re going to fall in love with a fat balding guy someday and be very happy.”

He’s still got his hair.

UPDATE:

Tonight’s Show at Pissed Off Pete’s has been cancelled — I’ll let you know of another show as soon as its booked.

Sorry Perverts!

I know you thought it read “new SHOES”; alas, maybe next month eh?

This month is a big month for me and the club. We have great shows planned all month, I have actual shows booked all month. I’m super excited to be performing so much and even more excited that summer is here and comedy is looking good.

This Friday we do not have a Wharf Room Comedy Show. I’ll be at Pissed off Pete’s for the MILF Comedy Showcase. If you haven’t heard my story about talking to my kids about blowjobs then this is the show for you.

Tuesday, Thursday, Friday & Saturday – WHARF ROOM COMEDY. 8 PM — just do it!!

June 11, Pissed Off Pete’s
MILF Comedy

June 29 Wharf Room Comedy
Ladies Night, Wharf Room Comedy
My favorite night of comedy at Wharf Room Comedy. All female line-up!

July 7, Rooster T. Feathers, Sunnyvale
My return to the new talent showcase. I had the best time the first time I performed in Sunnyvale. Please come and mention my name at the door. The more of you that come see me the more time I get on stage. Thank you in advance.

July 21st, Bazaar Café, San Francisco
A new room hosted by Danny Dechi. I’m hoping for a banging crowd for my first appearance.

My first San Francisco Storytelling Event
Ten Fingers
Cafe Royale, June 24
8:00 PM