Bombshells Comedy, June 3 at Il Pirata

Drew Pult, Benefit Show at Wharf Room Comedy

Our friend and fellow San Francisco comedian Ben Feldman wrote, composed and, recorded this song for our podcast. Lady GaGa has nothing on Ben. He did this in two weeks and Brian and I are excited, please and honored than Ben agreed to do this for us.

THANKS BEN FELDMAN

You can catch us today on FCCFREERADIO.com from 4-6pm talking about all things LOVE.

Savannah Georgia

Photo by SF Ordinary Girl, 2008

Check out Monday’s podcast here with guest Richard Kiss.

This week on You’re an Effing Moron we speak with Richard Kiss and bring you up to date with moronic shenanigans of the week.  Our guest Richard Kiss is Canadian Transplant now splitting his comedic sensibilities between Las Vegas and San Francisco. Dr. Brian and Chantel continue to explore the “Stories from the Road Trip”.

Who’s an effing moron?

New Orleans has a very large spot in Dr. B’s heart. In fact there are very few places in the US that he hasn’t traveled and very few places in the US that he doesn’t think are worth a visit. He also has a short list of places that he has lived and loved. New Orleans is on the top of that list.

More important than the epic location is his 40th year. Its our 3rd year together and an epic three years it has been. We did not expect to have a shelf life in love. We were expect to mold quickly and throw our relationship in the garbage like stinky expensive cheese. It’s true, I lost friends over my choice to be with Dr. B and I personally have been challenged daily in an effort to stay in love and stay a couple.

There is no denial that we truly do love each other. Our relationship feeds on our hard work, our desperate love, our commitment and our partnership; despite the fact that I want to punch him in the balls on a regular basis. Relationships are difficult in general. Being in love with Dr. B requires an extra level of patience and forgiveness. For as much as he talks and pontificates and, as much as I never know if he’s joking or if he’s serious. He doesn’t know either, frequently.

He has said many times that he didn’t think he would make it to 40. I agree because Dr. B is a hedonist in the purest form. If he can’t eat it, drink it or, fuck it; he has no interest in it. Which I could say is a very simple and effective philosophy if you think you won’t live past 40.

Dr. B is the type of person who judges no one. He holds no grudges and wishes everyone well. His goals in this life include nothing but laughter and living here in this very moment. He loves unapologetically as so many of us don’t or as many of us wish we could. His love is unconditional even when I don’t think it is. His generosity is only matched by his love of boobs. He thinks I’m beautiful every day – even when I’m not wearing something slutty.

It is true that nothing is that important, nothing is so terrible and we are only here for a moment so we might as well enjoy it while we can. The more I’m with him the more I enjoy this life.

Thanks Dr. B – Happy Birthday, you fucking moron.

I’m glad life is uneventful. I think most of the fighting happened the week before we left. Honest, we were seriously fighting. To the point of discussing our OPTIONS. (yes, I know this is the second thought I’ve finished in all caps).

Here is a video of an almost fight that was somehow avoided when we almost died.

It was raining so much and we were terrified of starting another fight so we talked a lot about the weather. Three states of rain means a lot of boring conversations about how hard its raining. I lost count of how many times I said, “Can it rain any harder”. The answer is, yes it can.

Driving twelve hours a day leaves us with little time for stopping. This is how we determine where and what we eat. In an effort to avoid fast food we’ve located every Southern style buffet on the 40. I don’t know if this was a good idea. I’ve eaten at two buffet’s today, both costing less than $10.00. Basically I’m rating southern buffets. Today the Sawmill Cafe, Buffet and Gift Shop beat out Loretta Lynn’s Kitchen, Buffet and Gift Shop.  They had the exact same food items except Loretta Lynns had a smaller buffet with the added bonus of creamed corn. And then, I ate some pie.

We’ve also found that in the technologically backward areas of I-40 you can consistently find a radio station about God or a radio station playing classic rock with a heavy Rush rotation. This leads me to believe that God and Rush are having a quarrel and Rush is winning.

Brian likes to pose a lot of hypothetical questions mostly because he likes the sound of his own voice. He also has a raging case of ADD with a side of, “let me repeat myself every 10 miles of silence”, because he might have forgotten to say what he was thinking. Basically, I’ve barely hanging on. If anyone knows the answer to these questions please help me with answers. We may find more stuff to talk about when we’re tired of Rush and God.

Why isn’t the “nice” part of Arizona more populated?

Why isn’t New Mexico more “ranched up” like Texas?

I wonder if Luna knows that she learned how to roll down car windows?

Why is Amarillo there?

Is Oklahoma holding their panhandle ransom from Texas? What do they want with it?

Whenever I see the word “heifer” I think of Michelle Pfeifer, why? And, why is it an insult to call a woman a heifer when heifer’s are actually good things?

Can I eat a 72 oz. steak?

We’ve had a couple of other discussions that could have turned into fights. One of them is because my boyfriend acts like a hillbilly for no good reason. Give the man a Genius IQ and all he wants to do is walk around mispronouncing words and wearing a Harley Davidson cowboy hat. As far as I know he’s never owned a Harley Davidson in his whole life.

More specifically he likes to leave doors open. This generally bothers me when were in a hotel room and I’m in the bathroom. First of all I’ve rarely had an occurrence in my life where I’ve forgotten to close the door. Somehow Dr. B manages to forget hotel room doors and car doors. This fucking infuriates me.

I don’t know where he learned this behavior. I’ve met his parents. They’re both very lovely people with great manners. In 100% of my observations they have always closed the door behind them. In the same thought every time I’ve ever seen Brian’s parents they were also fully dressed. They have never greeted me shirtless and said shirt was covering their ass. Unlike in my house where every single of my friends and family members have seen Dr. B with no shirt and sometimes the bonus no shirt/buttcrack combination. And, yes Brian’s buttcrack has been seen in almost all of the mainland states.

For more video updates which are filmed in buffet’s and steakhouses go to Dr. B’s YOU TUBE page. Fascinating might be a stretch.

What type of things will I see this time?

A playboy and his bunny fighting in an alley?

Meet Presidential Candidates?

Actual crocodiles crossing the road?

A family of chickens crossing the road to this little shack for the best Key Lime Pie I’ve ever had?

Who knows what will happen.

This was my surprise birthday cake from Dr. B. No my birthday party was not a surprise but that cake sure was. “That thing scares me and I’m a whore.”

I had no idea there was a “Go Go” version of this song when I looked for this video on You Tube this morning. Its also the song that was playing in my head when I woke up. It’s my birthday you see and I guess everyone has a birthday song. This is mine.

However there are a few things that make my world spin on its axis every day. I’m going to to tell them Thank you because its the only reason I get out of bed every day. Thank you is all that I can say. Because, words will never express the gratitude I feel for the love that I feel day after day.

Dr. B is the most shameless, uninhibited person I know. His life is dedicated to having fun and making sure I have fun. Just this morning when my daughter gave me a beautiful pearl necklace for my birthday Dr. Brian leaned over and said, “i’m gonna give you one of those for your birthday too!”. I know it was too early and I know it was inappropriate but, it made me laugh. He makes me laugh and sometimes laughter happens when its very, very inappropriate. Thank you for loving me.

Mr. Bug & Ms. Puddin. Having children grow into adults is probably one of the toughest moments for a Mother. I’m no longer allowed to rescue them and tell them what to do. I’m only allowed to offer advice and hope that it helps. These two children willingly and graciously allowed me to be their mom. They’ve are beautiful humans that have offered me unconditional love and support from the day that they could perceive such emotions. I wake every day and make wishes for them. Thank you for loving me unconditionally even though I know, it’s never been easy.

Anakule. You stepped in when I needed a mother. Even though I’ve stood by the assumption that I need no one. I’m aloof, I’m closed off and I’m tough to get to. But you stood there until I left an opening. You still do and I’m grateful. You have made me a better human. Thank you for loving me unconditionally.

Luna. I know you’re Man’s best friend and, I have to compete with Brian. Your little face and your giant ears and your non-stop begging and your smile. You have a smile, I see it all the time. You feel love, I feel it when you convince me to go to bed every night and snuggle until you wake me with your whining to go pee. It’s amazing how loved an animal can make you feel. Thank you for loving me because you make every morning better with your bright eyes, your wet nose and non-stop kisses.

Another day older and deeper in debt. No complaints here.