Chantel Williams

In case you’re wondering if I’m finding everything OK — read this and think of a apologizing Asian woman.

How Curiosity Killed the Kitty
DATE: 04/19/2006
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No this is not another open letter to my cat. However, let’s take a little break from the self loathing, self examination, self absorption (no not that one) and, self reflection.

Oh hell let,s talk about my kitty!
I went to my aesthetician yesterday to get my eyebrows straightened out and begin my spring/summer ah-hem, bikini waxing. First, I love my aesthetician, she’s cute, she’s funny and more-over she,s really fucking good. She will wax and pluck until my brows stand up and salute or I beg for mercy; she,s really meticulous. For the most part I,m boring when it comes to such things. Not too thin, not too arched, just natural looking and cleaned up I’m the same with my “nether regions” or my “southern hemisphere” or my “tender bits” or my “hoo-hoo”, whatever it is that you want to call it. “Clean it up and make sure it doesn’t look like Chewbacca has set up camp.”

For a while now my lovely, perfect aesthetician has been trying to talk me into something a bit more adventurous; say a Brazilian bikini? Last night I was lying on the table and Heidi was forcing my eyebrows into submission; I was high from the sunshine, a walk and the delicious ideas I had for a 2 pound London Broil I gently cradled into my shopping bag earlier in the afternoon. I suddenly say out loud, “let’s take it all off when we start on my bikini area!” Have you ever been high-fived by your aesthetician? I shocked myself, I was only thinking it – I didn’t mean for it to come out of my mouth in audible format. Before you could say hairless cat, I was laying on the table in a cold sweat preparing for the worst experience of my life.

Have you ever had anyone coach your through something that wasn’t child-birth or a sporting event? With every pull of the wax strip she followed with “Good JOB!” “Man you really do have a high pain tolerance!” “Now this is going to hurt – you might want to breathe through it?” Like that procedure could get any worse; It felt like a gynecological exam with hot wax.

I suggest they begin selling these two items as a package deal. Free Brazilian bikini wax with every PAP? I’ve never had so much non-intimate contact last so long “down-under”. I said to myself the entire time this was happening; “It was just a hypothetical – really!” I left with a slight limp, slightly embarrassed and really afraid to get hit by a car. Remember when your Mom always told you to wear clean underwear in-case you get hit and the doctor has to see your underwear? What would an ER doctor think of this?

This pubic service announcement brought to you by:
1 jar of hot-wax
1 cosmopolitan
1-1/2 bottle of Rose

My Favorite from our little drive in Big Sur

Photo By Chantel Williams, 2009

San Carlos Borromeo Mission, Carmel By The Sea