Chantel Williams

So I wrote last night while watching the second season of Sex and the City. I’ve watched these women for so many years and practically fell head over heals in love with the show from the very first time I saw it. I don’t know about good role models but it sure does make me feel better whenever I watch it. I rarely find myself nit-picking my flaws but I overwhelmingly feel good because I have a real life group of friends who are that supportive of each other and I feel better about just being a woman. I never feel that good after browsing through any of the fashion magazines. I’m sure I will get “worst mom of the year” award because I let my daughter watch it with me. I answer her questions and explain certain terms about sex and dating as we go. Her most recent observation about life since she started watching the show….”how victorian”. This makes me laugh out loud every time she says it.

As for the writing, I kept my laptop perched on my knees throughout the night. Typed here, typed there — thought about my recent fish I let off the hook. I will be posting Chapter 2 soon.
I start another quarter at school tonight so I’m sure that my writing will again be shoved onto the back burner, although I’m going to make a conscious effort to stay with it and get it finished very soon.

It’s ridiculous, whenever I visit I know I should be writing.

As I sit here a bottle of wine later, I realize that I miss him.
If he were here, he would watch Sex and The City with me and laugh or try to shove his finger into my ear. I’ve never really cared for all the silliness but for a time it was comforting to have him here.

I’m not one of those who needs to get married – but is it the stupid show? He’s not the one I pictured myself with but for some reason he fit. I felt safe, warm and couldn’t get enough of him when he would wrap his arms around me or let me sleep on his chest; something I never did with anyone else. When I was married to Owen so many years ago I would take his hand and lay it out and rest my face inside of his palm; it fit perfectly. That was the last time I ever was that close to someone. Is it like an astrological Saturn Return? Every ten or so years you find someone you can cuddle up to?

I know I should post the second chapter of my novel – for christs sake I’m on chapter 10 but I will hold off until another day – maybe go public. For now, I’ll write about a tiny broken heart and hope that I don’t bore you.

Another fish lost to the sea – once again.